We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
