3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
