I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
