that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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