We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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