Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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