dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
