Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
