Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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