I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
