Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
