marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
