I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
