Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
