last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
