I never want to see another naked old woman again.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
