you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
