Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
