Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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