i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
whose parrot is this?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
