Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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