we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
