i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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