how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
