Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
