I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
one two three fourrrrnication!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Welp...herpes.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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