so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
