By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
