So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
