problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
