I'm going to jail i love you
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
