I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
