and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
