Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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