im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
