I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
