Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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