I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
