Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
