Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
