That's when you crack a 10am beer
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
