idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
