I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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