The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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