I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
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Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
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I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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