There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
