just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize