i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
