we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
