Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
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Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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