As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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