the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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