Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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