Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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