My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's blow job season.
I just want nice things and good sex
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
