what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
