well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
