My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
