were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
