You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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