I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
