I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
