is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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