Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
