i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This baby is an asshole
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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