You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
