Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
