I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I need moral support for this bender
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
