I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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