Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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