oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
pray to the hookup gods
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
