brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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