wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
