it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
