Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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