Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
