Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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