At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
