Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Randomize
