I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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