Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
