did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
