i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
