We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
how drunk are you?
Several
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
